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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28090194">I Can’t Make It Go Away By Making You a Villiain</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/turtledove23/pseuds/turtledove23'>turtledove23</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Inspired by All the Young Dudes - MsKingBean89, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Post Halloween 1981, Pre-Canon, and happiness made me think of wolfstar, atyd, but i love taylor swift, i haven’t written in years i’m sorry, it could be really bad i’m sorry, not beta read because we die like real men, so I wrote this, wolfstar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 11:54:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>948</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28090194</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/turtledove23/pseuds/turtledove23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus deals with the aftermath of James and Lily’s death. Inspired by a tumblr post that I saw forever ago and can’t remember the original blog (so if that was yours please comment!)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Can’t Make It Go Away By Making You a Villiain</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Title comes from Happiness by Taylor Swift (this is the wolfstar song I don’t make the rules) </p><p>This is my first time since writing a fic since middle school so it might be rough!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>No matter how hard he tried, Remus Lupin would never be able to forget the day his world fell apart.<br/>
And he tried. He rearranged the furniture, repainted the walls, and reorganized the decorations. He tried to make his tiny flat as different as possible, but it would never truly change. It would always be the same place where he learned that all of his friends had died, and the love of his life had killed them. It would always be the place where he found out he was truly alone.<br/>
It had been three weeks since James and Lily died, and it still didn’t feel real. Remus had attended the funerals and received the condolences, but it still hadn’t set in. He hadn’t even visited their graves yet. He couldn’t bring himself to see them, because that would make it real. It would mean really Sirius did hand over Lily and James to Voldemort and murder Peter in the street, and everything he’d believed for the last 10 years was a lie.<br/>
Remus sat at the kitchen table, leaning over a stack of papers to sort. No one ever prepared Remus for the business aspect of death and betrayal.  He flipped through the papers, knowing he should really focus and read them, but every time he tried he would break down in tears. As he flipped through the stack, his heart stopped in his chest.<br/>
A small polaroid photo had fallen out from the pile of papers and onto his lap. He picked up the photo, tears swelling in the corners of eyes. It was a muggle photo, taken on Lily’s polaroid camera. James, Lily, Peter, and he all smiled up at the camera, joy radiating right out of the picture. Sirius had taken it. He was obsessed with muggle devices of all sorts, and would always jump at the opportunity to use one.<br/>
Remus clutched it to his chest, silent tears streaming down his scarred face.  He looked down at it once more and stared at the faces smiling up at him. God, we were all so happy then, he thought. How could this happen?<br/>
He stuffed the picture into his back pocket and stood up from the table. He knew it was time to go. If I don’t do this down, I may never get the courage again. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and pictured the tiny village of Godric’s Hollow in his mind. The room around him started spinning and the ground disappeared from his feet<br/>
Remus landed in the center of the main road, the little town surrounding him. A light dusting of snow covered the buildings, like powdered sugar on a pastry. The chilly november air filled his lungs. He hadn’t been to Godric’s Hollow since the funeral. He didn’t think he could bear to see it again.<br/>
The frozen leaves crunched below his feet as he made his way to the little chapel and it’s surrounding area. He reached the graveyard and fumbled with the lock. It was eerily silent, as if sound itself had been buried among the dead.. Remus scanned the names on the graves, his eyes searching up and down each row. Finally, tucked in the back of the graveyard, he saw their names. He crossed to the back of the graveyard, a sob building up inside of him. He knelt down and touched the ground in front of the grave. A single flower appeared where his hand was— a lily. A tear streaked across his face, landing on the small flower. He let himself sit in the silence, finally giving himself a chance to mourn.<br/>
Remus places his icy hands in his pocket, causing something to fall out. The polaroid photo fell on to the ground, the smiling faces of the picture staring up at Remus. He picked up the photo and brushed off the dirt. As his fingers grazed across the photo, he felt something on the back Curious. he flipped the photo over. There, on the back, was a small message written in ink.<br/>
“My true family. Forever the marauders (+ Lily!). -Sirius Orion Black.”<br/>
Remus broke down. Choked sobs escaped his throat, breaking the barrier of silence surrounding the graves.<br/>
“You fucking bastard,” he whispered.<br/>
Remus dropped his head into his hands, his entire body shaking.<br/>
He looked right at the grave, where James and Lily’s names were etched in stone.<br/>
“I’m sorry. I should’ve known. I- I should’ve seen the signs. God, there had to be signs. How could I not have known? How could I let him do this to you? To Peter? How could this happen?”<br/>
His cries echoed throughout the churchyard. Remus looked back down at the photo in his hand, reading the note on it over and over again.<br/>
“And I'm sorry, but for some reason unknown to me, I still love him. I’ll hate myself ever single day for it, but I don’t think I can ever stop loving him, even after everything he’s done. James, Lily, I’m sorry. I’m so, so, sorry.”<br/>
Remus took a deep breath, trying to piece himself together. The eerie silence of the graveyard surrounded him once more. He stuck his hands into the ground. Cautiously, he carved a small hole in the dirt, barely the size of his palm. Carefully, he placed the photo in the center of the hole and covered it with dirt. He patted the ground, trying to return it to its original state. He picked the lily up off the grave and set it on top of where the hole was, letting his tears fall onto the dirt<br/>
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered one last time.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you so much for reading!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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